Tutoring for Dummies
by Aoshi'sgirlinstraightjacket
Summary: Misao needs tutoring but everyone she goes to has a problem. Okina's too perverted, Aoshi's too oblivious, Saito has to take care of his pet sheep, and Sanosuke is afraid of math. Who can she turn to now? Can we say, Shishio? Complete!
1. Chapter 1

Okay so this is a new fanfic for me. It's RK, which I happen to be writing a lot of. Anyway, I hope this will be funny and make you laugh really hard. If not, then I'm not very good at this fanfiction thing. It is my 5th fic so if I'm not doing good now...I might need to stop. Not like that'll ever happen so you're just stuck with me. Heh.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even Shishio-sama. Or Aoshi.

School. Don't you just hate it? I mean, the law requires you to go to this building, sit in this chair and listen to an old hag or coot teach. Whoever thought up this school business should be shot. These are the thoughts of Misao Mackimachi. As you can tell, I don't like school or teachers. Especially when they tell you that you're stupid and you need to b tutored. So that's what I have to do right now. Look for a tutor. Not only do I have to spend hours of my day in school, I have to spend the rest of my day with someone whose trying to help me figure out what they "taught" me in that school. Some people are sooooooo retarded. Naturally, since the bats that apparently run my life couldn't assign me a tutor, I went to the people who help me with everyday life. Let's start with the failures.

Failure #1: Gramps

Misao walked into the Aoiya with mounds upon mounds of school work in her hands. She wobbled around like a drunk man in the restaurant before finally slamming all the papers down on a empty table. Luckily, all the tables were empty since it was closed. Misao leaned back and filled her lungs with air slowly.

"GRAAAAAAAMMMMPPPPSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED YOU DOWN HERE NOW!!!!!!" Misao heard frequent thumps coming from the back of the building. The old man slid into the room in front of Misao and then bent over to catch his breath.

"I'm...here...where's the...fire?" Okina said in between breaths.

"I need to be tutored." Misao said simply. "And because you're so smart, I thought you'd be the best candidate to help me." Okina puffed up in pride and then looked down at the first paper in the stack. His face fell instantly.

"Misao, what are those symbols on the page." Misao sighed.

"That's math gramps, please tell me you know what Geometry is." Jiya pointed at something on the page.

"Is that a naughty word?" Misao growled.

"No reciprocal is not a naughty word, now are you going to help me or not?" He pointed at another symbol.

"What about that one? That word looks dirty." Misao glared at him and rolled her eyes.

"That's not even a word that a number. That's 69." Okina gasped and put his hands over his mouth.

"My little girl, she's tainted!!!!!" He yelled. He then let out a girlish scream and ran out the room. Misao sunk down into a chair and propped her head up on her head.

"Gramps reads too much."

Sooooooo?!?! How was it??? Did you like it? It's short yeah and there's going to be a lot more like it but you should come to expect that out of me. Just a little warning. This is an AU and there will be more info to come but for right now all you need to do is reveiw.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, I'm back...finally. I haven't updated on this one in a long time. I really have no excuses. Well, no excuses worth listening to. But I'll say them anyway. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I had a haunted house that I worked at that started at 6:00. Monday and Wednesday right after school I have cheer practice. Thursday I have quiz bowl practice. Friday was my last football game and Saturday we went and hiked Pinnacle Mountain. So it's Sunday and you're getting a chapter so...no complaints.

Disclaimer: Who doesn't own anything? Aoshi'sgirlinstraightjacket slowly raises her hand.

Misao walked to the back of the Aoiya and out the back door to the living quarters. All the while she was grumbling about how stupid Okina was and how he shouldn't read things that he does.

"Okay, so admittedly, Jiya wasn't the bast idea. But who else could help me around here. Everyone is out except for Ao...shi." Misao blushed at the thought of Aoshi actually talking to her in sentences containing more than two or three words. She stood in the middle of the hall wondering if she should go ask for his help. He was in one of two places. His room or the temple. She silently stepped down the hall towards his room and came upon his door. She tried not to make any noise just in case she lost courage to go in. Misao took deep breath as her adrenaline pushed her heart rate up. She finally decided that if she didn't knock now she'd explode. Her shaky fist worked it's way toward the door and rapped a few staccato beats on the wood.

(Okay so a little note here. This is kind of an AU. They still live in the same places but the clothes are present day American clothes. Plus certain people are different. Like Shishio's not burnt. I can't think of anyone else who would be drastically different but if I do I'll tell you)

Misao lightly knocked again praying that he wasn't in there. In the temple it was okay. She was in there all the time with him; but in his room? That's a different story. It's like his territory. It smells like him, it has all his stuff in there, and he sleeps in there. There's just a bunch of factors of that room that made Misao quiver. But to her dismay, a deep soft voice granted her entrance which she slowly took. She took all her book that she had placed outside the door and used them as a shield so that she didn't have to look at his face. She could tell he was waiting for her to speak so she shifted the books and took a shaky breath.

"Um...Aoshi...c-could you help me with some...um, homework? My teacher says I need...t-tutoring." Misao tightly shut her eyes waiting for him to say something. Her heart rate shot back up again. One of these days she was going to give herself a heart attack.

"Sure." He said simply. She heard objects move on the desk he sat at. She walked over to the desk on the far wall and gently sat the books down on the spot he cleared and sat down on the chair on the other side of the desk by the bookcase. Aoshi waited patiently as Misao took the Geometry off the top and opened to the page that they were recently studying in school. She placed it out in front of him. He looked down at the page for a few minutes and then took out a pencil and a sheet of paper. She tried not to look up at him as he explained the problem and all the little shortcuts you could take. She payed attention as much as she could without looking at his face. She decided focused on the book and the paper. How she wished he would stop using big words. Some of these things she just had to memorize and she knew that but things like the Quadratic Equation and how to work it; how the HELL????!!!! Aoshi was working out a sample problem for her when some scribbling in the corner of her book caught her eye. Her face paled and her eyes grew wide as she read the drawing. It was a little heart in the top corner of the page. In the heart it read "I love Aoshi". That damned page; may it rot in hell. She frantically racked her brain for ways to cover it up or erase it without Aoshi looking. He was still doing the problem so she took this as her chance. Misao grabbed her pencil between her index and her thumb and chunked it behind Aoshi. He lifted his head as it landed with a single click on the ground. Misao smiled sheepishly at him and pointed at the "fallen" pencil.

"Could you get that for me?" Aoshi cocked an eyebrow.

"You could use mine, I'm done with the problem anyway." Misao's face grew red as her plan blew up in her face.

"Yeah, um, well, I l-like that one. It's mechanical. Me and regular pencils don't cooperate together." Aoshi cocked an eyebrow as he placed his pencil on the desk and bent down to grab the "fallen" pencil. Misao grabbed the pencil and furiously tried to erase the drawing only to find that she had written it in pen. She growled as she slammed down that pencil and decided just to flip the page. Aoshi came back up with her pencil and cautiously handed it to her.

"Are you alright?" he asked. Misao once again would not look at him.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Aoshi nodded not really believing her and then looked back at the book. He eyed the page in confusion before flipping back to the page he was on. Misao put her hand in between the pages and stopped him from turning it.

"Uh, I need help with this problem now." Aoshi looked at the page. The whole page was full of definitions.

"What do you need help with...reading it?" Misao started to panic again and flipped the pages a couple more.

"No, I meant these problems." She stopped on a page that looked like it had math problems on it.

"Misao, all this is is special angles. I thought you said you passed this." Misao looked over the page and tried to make a final ditch effort to leave with dignity. She got up suddenly and gathered her books.

"You're right. I get it all now. Thank you Aoshi" She flew out of the room as fast as she could and ran into the safety of her own room.

So a little alone time with Aoshi. Too bad all she did was make a fool of herself. Hell, I'd chunk the pencil just so he'd bend over. So until next time, I hope to see a lot more reviews. I think I'll put two people in the next chapter; or maybe three. I'm thinking Kenshin, Sanosuke, and Saito. Yeah that'll work.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey everyone! I'm so glad to be back. Today was another one of those days that just wouldn't go by fast enough. But now that I'm home I feel a lot better. Good enough to write a couple of chapters. Not for this one story though. Sorry, I can't do that. I have other stories that I have to add chapters to. If this makes you want to kill me, please console yourself with the fact that I'll probably update pretty soon. Please...I'm begging. I like my life.

Disclaimer: I'd like my life even better if I owned something...but I don't. Get the picture?

Misao sat on the corner of the street in front of the Aoiya with her head on her drawn up knees. She had been in that position for a while after she had ran out of Aoshi's room. It wasn't a bad idea to ask him to tutor her; not at all. It's just that she couldn't think properly around him and crap like that always happened. Like her writing love letters in her book when he could easily see it. Why did things like this have to be so difficult?

"Now he's going to think I'm an even bigger child. I'm such and idiot." She mumbled to herself.

"Everyone thinks you're a child Misao. I think it's about time you get over that fact." a joking voice floated down to her. Misao lifted her teary face to look up at the rude offender. It turned out only to be Sanosuke. His attitude was to be expected and ignored. His face fell to one of concern when he realized she was tearing up. He sat beside her and nudged her with his elbow.

"Hey...what's wrong." he said with a softer voice. "If it's me then you can hit me. I'm just being stupid. Just being good 'ole Sano!" His face fell again when it didn't brighten her mood. Sanosuke lowered his head trying to look at her face.

"Wanna tell me what's up?" Misao shook her head making some more of her bangs fall into her face. Misao moved her head to the side where her books were laying on the ground. She slightly sat up and grabbed the top book off the pile.

"Well, if you don't mind, could you help me with some school work." Sanosuke cocked an eyebrow and looked down at the book that she had opened. His eyes grew wide as he stared at the page. He started to back up slowly.

"Is that...math?" he asked tentatively. Misao gave him a confused look

"Well yeah, it's Geometry. Why?" Sanosuke put his hands over his eyes and started to hyperventilate.

"No, no...put it away. I don't want it to look at me!" he peeked through his eyes. Seeing that the book was still open, and seemed to be coming closer, he let out a girlish scream and started to scoot back. Misao, who was finding this rather fun, suddenly threw the book at him. The geometry book landed on his lap with a dull thump. Sanosuke got up and started running away in horror.

"AAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! It burns!!!! Get it away!" he kept on running in the distance. Misao looked down at the book wondering what was so scary about the problems. She looked up when she heard a "ding" followed by a loud "thump". Over across the street, Sano had run into a street side lamp and had knocked himself unconscious. A crowd was gathering over him and Misao took this as her chance to slip away.

Misao threw her books on the ground and leaned up against a wall to catch her breath. She had slipped into an alleyway and started running hoping that "the scary girl with all the heavy books" wouldn't have to answer a bunch of questions for why Sano was K.O. When she was finally able to breath properly and looked up, she noticed she was in front of the Kamiya dojo.

(Another little note. Okay I know that nothing is in the same town but in this story it is. So like the Aoiya, Kamiya dojo, police station, and Shishio's place are all in the same town. Just had to clear that up.)

Misao walked up to the door after grabbing her books and knocked. She waited, tapping her foot, noticing the insults that were hurled in the back ground. Typical Kaoru and Yahiko. To Misao's surprise, it was the little brat who opened the door. His annoyed face told her that he wasn't exactly thrilled to see her.

"What do you want weasel?" Misao's nose scrunched at the hated nickname.

"Nothing from you brat." Yahiko flipped her off then shut the door. Misao stared at the door before dropping her books and banging on the door.

"Let me in, big head!" She yelled. She continued to bang on the door until finally it was opened. Misao fell into the open space with an "eep". She looked up from the ground to find Kenshin smiling down at her. Always with that happy face.

"What can I help you with Misao?" he said pleasantly. Misao got up with a growl and hefted her books into her arms.

"I need someone to tutor me." she said bluntly. She wasn't in a good mood at all. Kenshin stared at the stack of books and read the spines. He put a hand behind his back in a sheepish manner.

"Uh, Misao, I'm not good at this sort of thing and I don't think Kaoru or Yahiko are either." In the back ground she could hear both Kauro and Yahiko shout "hey!". Misao gave Kenshin a tired look.

"Are you sure?" Kenshin nodded regretfully. He shut the door after they had said their good-byes and Misao once again took a stroll down the alley.

Okay so one less person than I promised but you'll probably get that tomorrow. This one wasn't as funny and I want it to be funny dang it. But apparently it ain't working. I'll try harder though. Most of my funny stuff comes from when me and my friends are making up stories and I'm like "I'll think I'll use that in a story!". We haven't made up any stories lately. Until next time. Deuces.


	4. Chapter 4

Hey!! It's been a while since I updated this. That's only because no one reviews!!! (complaining, can't you tell?) If no one review then I completely forget about the story. I seriously forgot I wrote something like this. It makes me feel bad. So from now on, MORE REVIEWING!!!!! It's a policy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Misao growled as she looked up at the police station. Usually she tried to avoid this place. Too much stuff on her record. But she was desperate now. Now was no time to be choosy. And now...she was approaching her worst enemy. The wolf. She shivered as her mind went over every excuse not to enter the building. She begged her courage to fail her and yet it held up. She should be proud. Damn her courage. It was just way to courageous. Like a lion.

She took a deep breath and stepped into the hustle and bustle of the busy police department. Papers flew everywhere as people seemed to fly by like the white rabbit.

"Um, excuse me." she said in a quiet voice to a man in blue beside her. Yeah, like a lion. Misao cleared her throat.

"Is Lieutenant Fugita here?" A finger came up behind her and pointed her to a door down the hall the clearly said. FUGITA. Misao scowled.

"Well, isn't that obvious." She walked forward toward the door. A dulled noise floated down the hallway to her ears and she cocked an eyebrow in curiosity. She pressed her ear to the door and strained to hear what was going on. She could only make out faint voices and some kind of weird sound. Suddenly the door was wrenched open and for the second time that day...she fell in the doorway. (That rhymed!) She peeked above knowing that a terrible face was glaring down at her. She was right. Saito towered above her with a menacing look on his face. He was not very happy with her apparently.

"What are you doing here weasel?" he said in a voice that was supposed to be fierce. Instead of throwing a hissy at the nick-name like she usually did, she smiled, stood up and put her hands behind her back.

"Hey Saito. What's up?" Misao's face fell when the door was slammed in front of her. She started banging on the door with her fists.

"Hey!! I just wanted to talk. Okay well...not _talk_ but...I need some help and..." she gulped before she said the last part. "You're kind of my last hope and you're the only one I consider...smart enough to help me." She literally choked on the last words but hid it when he opened the door. In place of the choked face she put a on a pleading smile.

"Please?" Saito rolled his eyes and opened the door wider to allow her to come in. Misao's eyes glistened with success and she clapped her hands as she rushed inside the room. Behind her, Saito slammed the door shut and walked around to the other side of the desk.

"So what is it you need help with?" Saito asked. Though he really didn't want to know. She didn't have any responsible guardians besides the anti-social Aoshi. He didn't want her to ask about sex or her period. He shivered at the thought. To his surprise, she slammed a bunch of books on the desk. He eyed the books warily. How long exactly was this going to take?

"Well I..." Misao started but was interrupted by "baa". Misao looked in the corner behind Saito's desk. On a blanket with hay to the side sat a sheep with it's legs curled up under it. Misao cooed at the fluffy animal. Saito growled.

"Annie, I told you, you could come but only if you behaved." The sheep emitted a growl similar to Saito's. Saito waved it off with his hand.

"Whatever. So you want help with school work? I knew you were stupid but I didn't think you'd need help with something as simple as Geometry." Misao huffed and crossed her arms.

"If it was up to me. I wouldn't be looking for help but my teacher demanded it." Saito chuckled.

"And now you're taking orders. What has the world come to." Saito's smirk faded when his head was whipped to the side and his chair was pushed against the wall. Annie popped up in front of Misao and planted her front hooves on the desk. She baaed with enthusiasm and nudged Misao's hand. Misao petted Annie on her soft nose and then patted her fleece.

"She's cute. I like her." Saito cursed under his breath as he pushed his chair back over to the desk and pushed Annie out of the way. Misao, taking the cue, opened one of the books and pointed out the pages.

(A few minutes later)

"What the freak did you just do?! That's not how you do it! It makes no sense what-so-ever!" Saito threw the pencil down.

"How would you know? You're the one coming to me for help. If you know how to do it then why are you here?"

"I don't know how to do it but that's definitely not it!" Annie once again baaed for Saito's attention. And once again he turned his chair to ask her what she wanted. Misao huffed and took the pencil. She'd figure it out somehow while he was busy. She was finally getting somewhere when she heard Saito yelling nonsense again. She looked up and her hand flew to her mouth to stop her from laughing. Annie had jumped up on Saito's lap and was repeatedly butting him in the forehead. Misao finally let herself laugh out loud and got up to grab her books.

"Thanks for the distraction Annie." The sheep baaed in glee then returned to pounding Saito with her head. Misao laughed all the way out of the police station. Well, she learned a little.

Misao looked up with wide eyes. What possessed her to come here? Was this some cruel joke. This couldn't be the only people left to help her. But unfortunately it was. She lifted the golden knocker on the door and let if fall with a reverberating thud. She heard many footsteps scuttling on the other side of the door. Misao was about to turn around and run but was stopped when the door opened. Misao peeked behind her bangs at the woman that stood before her.

"Misao...can I help you with something?" Misao nodded without looking at her directly.

"Um...yes. I need to see Hoji." Yumi's eyebrows scrunched together.

"Why Hoji." Misao rubbed her arm.

"He's supposed to be smart and all...and I need a tutor. So I was kind of hoping that he could help me." Yumi smiled and nodded.

"Of course you can see him. He's not doing anything important. He never does." Misao smiled at the woman. She was relieved that she was so understanding and nice. She hefted her books into her arms and followed Yumi into the house. After they passed a few rooms and went down a couple of complicated hallways, they came to a library where Hoji was. He looked up from a book he was studying and cocked an eyebrow at Misao.

"What's with the whelp?" Misao fumed. She turned to Yumi.

"You know what? I was wrong. I don't want to be tutored by and incompetent idiot." She heard a deep chuckle from the doorway and turned to look toward the shadows. Out of the dark the form of a man stepped out.

"That's right. If you need a tutor Misao, why don't you let me help you?" Misao gasped when Shishio's face came into the dim lighting. All she could do was nod dumbly.

(In this story Shishio isn't burned. He's completely normal...except for his wacked brain.)

Misao stared at the sheet that Shishio had scribbled all over. Her attention was drawn to the sulking Hoji. He was in a corner where Shishio had placed him. Misao's eyes shot back to the page when the man before her cleared his throat.

"Okay Misao, do you see how I did that?" he went on to explain the procedure and how he got certain numbers and formulas that helped. Misao just stared at the page.

"I kind of understand but I can't see how you did it?" Shishio tapped the pencil on the table.

"What do you mean?" Misao placed her hands out before her.

"Look! You write like a five year old! How am I supposed to understand when I can't read your writing?" a vein popped out on Shishio's forehead and his eye twitched.

"A five year old? Well if you write better than me, why don't you do it." and with that he threw the pencil down on the table. Misao grabbed the pencil with a force that she didn't know she had.

"Fine. I will." She yelled back. "No one will help me so I might as well do it myself. Thanks Shishio...for failing me!!!!!" Yumi giggled as Shishio stormed past her.

"I'm going to go take a long, long bath." he grumbled. She could feel the heat radiating off of him. After he had strode down the hallway, Yumi approached the table and glanced at the book. She scanned the pages for a while and then sat down beside Misao.

"I can help you with this." Misao looked at her with confusion but Yumi ignored her as she took the pencil. Her delicate and flowing handwriting etched across the page and she explained everything she wrote down. Everything started to click in Misao's head.

"Wow, I never looked at it that way." Yumi nodded.

"That's the good thing about math. There's always a different way to do it so you can pick which one is easier for you." Misao nodded and took the pencil so she could try a few on my own.

"I think we've learned another lesson here." Yumi continued.

"What's that?" Misao said while still studying the problem she was on. Yumi smiled mischievously.

"Never try to get a man to teach you **anything**." Misao muffled a laugh behind her hand. Outside the door they heard a mock laugh. Shishio stomped in with a towel around his waist.

"Ha, ha, ha. You're so funny Yumi. Might I remind you that you were a man once?" Yumi cocked an eyebrow.

"No I wasn't you idiot." Shishio's face fell.

"Damn. I thought I could get you with that."

Misao left the house with a smile on her face. She had thanks Yumi for helping her and had kicked Shishio and Hoji in their shins. She had more knowledge than she had before and not just on Geometry. She learned that Jiya was a complete pervert (well, she knew that), that she couldn't control herself around Aoshi (...she knew that too.), Sanosuke was scared to death of math, Saito had a pet sheep named Annie, Kenshin, Kauro, and Yahiko were absolutely clueless to everything, and the only person who ended up helping her was a woman. Man, she loved being a girl.

Okay so that's the end. I expected to go one more chapter and say "Hey! It's the last chapter!" but I didn't do that so...anyway. You can review this last one if you want to. It's not like there are going to be anymore. I don't think there are. There might be. It'll be a while though. So I guess I'll see you in another story. Keep reading and reviewing!!


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